Uncertainties

It’s been a while since I’ve last published a blog. I still remember how my heart ached, and my eyes cried the moment I wrote my last work. I cannot post any work because I’ve always written but never finished any of it.

College life has been challenging yet fun for me. I’ve got shocked at first, knowing that I was going to deal with different people, pass my subjects, and adapt to another environment. The only thing on my mind before I started college was to graduate and pursue my dreams. I only have my perseverance and will to pursue my goals even with the uncertainties I have in mind.

I know that I am not intelligent or even a talented one. The thing that keeps me going is my heart that wants to learn and grow. I understand that the course I am taking would be challenging, and I am willing to take the risk. The first semester is going to end, and the past five months are not a joke. It challenged me. The pressure, failures and sleepless nights keep on letting me grow to the field I have chosen. I still have seven semesters left, I am pretty far from the finish line, but I guess this is enough to have to courage to continue.

Progress is progress, even though it is a small one, and we wouldn’t notice that we are near to what we are dreaming of if we try to live our life while pursuing our dreams. I am uncertain about what will happen in the future, but I trust God, and I am letting his plans work for me.

Aside from the academic side, the college has also brought me happiness and contentment. I met different amazing people who showed genuine kindness and friendship with me. Starting the semester, I have a big circle of friends. I’ve thought I would bond with them until the end, but I guess things are just not meant to happen. I lost many friends that I cherished a lot before. It makes me sad, but I am not allowing myself to force things to happen, so I let them. If they choose to leave me, then leave. I am not going to force any friendships because I know that I deserve more than that.

At first, I always blamed myself for the things I didn’t do. I pity myself for feeling that I am not good enough; that’s why people keep on leaving me behind. Then I realized I did my best to show my love and care for them. It is their own decision. I do not owe them anything, but I still wish for their happiness with their new friends. I am still grateful because I met different people I cherish a lot, and it has an important place in my heart. They are the ones who’ve stayed despite everything. I see myself loving more college life because of them. They made my college life happier. They brought me a lot of happiness, and I would always be grateful to have them. Still, maybe there is uncertainty if all of them would stay beside me until the end. For now, I’m going to cherish every precious moment with them.

The uncertainties are always there. All of us are not 100% sure about anything that is happening and is going to happen. We all have the “what ifs” and doubts. But this time, I wouldn’t let the uncertainties eat those opportunities that would make me know and love myself more. Each day, I am learning and growing little by little. I am thankful for the experiences that made me stronger. I promise myself that I wouldn’t let myself get stuck up to some old shits but let myself get out of the box and try new things. The uncertainties wouldn’t be enough to let down all the things I have in mind that keep me going.

The uncertainties are always there. All of us are not 100% sure about anything that is happening and is going to happen. We all have the “what ifs” and doubts. But this time, I wouldn’t let the uncertainties eat those opportunities that would make me know and love myself more. Each day, I am learning and growing little by little. I am thankful for the experiences that made me stronger. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let myself get stuck up to some old shits but let myself get out of the box and try new things. The uncertainties wouldn’t be enough to let down everything I have in mind that motivates me to grow and move forward.