Month: July 2019

It’s midnight again, and here I am, thinking about all the shitty things that run on my mind. I am an overthinker, a paranoid one. I guess my trust issues just come in every single time because of my past experiences. It sucks a lot. It sucks that even though you trust someone, you can’t just erase the fact in your damn head that they can do anything to break the trust you gave.

I know this is a little bit unbelievable for some to believe that a person can trust someone, but there’s still like a ‘precaution’ in that person’s mind to guard their heart. It is also one of the reasons why some relationships don’t work. Mostly, a girl or even a boy in a relationship tends to be suspicious at times. Maybe because of lack of time, third party, inconsistency, and changes in behavior. Sometimes the other one confronts their partner about those, and in most cases, the other gets angry and would probably say that they don’t trust them.

Some even use that as a reason to break up with his partner. Leaving someone because of that is like proving that her suspicions are confirmed. But for me, that would be the most outrageous thing for a person to let go because if you truly love someone, you would accept her flaws and imperfections, including her trust issues. Why would you leave her if you could make a way to assure her every single time and continue to love her? Eventually, those issues in her head will disappear if she gets the assurance she needs and feels that you loved her enough.

Trusting someone means giving them a chance to break you by any means. I have always been a victim of betrayal or even those broken promises. All of us can be a victim of a friend, a lover, or even our family. Before, I usually blamed myself for letting them take the chance of doing those things to me. But, as time passed by, I realized that trusting them is not your mistake. Them, doing you wrong is their choice, and you are not to blame.

Here I am again, lying in my bed thinking of all the what-ifs. What if no one cares for me? What if no one loves me? What if all the things I used to believe were not true? What if I looked crazy, right? But one thing’s for sure right now, even though I don’t have the answers to my what-ifs yet, I would still trust with my whole heart. It is their choice if they would break it. Do not be afraid to trust.

This blog is a little bit confusing in many parts; I’m still trying to express myself. This is just my “midnight thoughts,” I guess. I hope I can fully put into words all my feelings, maybe on my upcoming blogs. Wander with Me!

Many people believe that a person shouldn’t be enjoying a specific moment that causes them happiness because there might be something bad that could happen, and I’m one of them. I believe in that too, before. But, I realized that I shouldn’t be scared of what might happen tomorrow, I should just enjoy those things right in front of me. It is better to cherish those than to regret them afterward, right?

My day started as boring as it is. Doing my usual morning routine then after that, feeling nothing. I am not happy or even sad, I just felt nothing. Feeling like that is one of the worst things for me actually because I’d rather feel happy, sad, or even angry than to feel nothing. Some may want to feel the numbness in them because they don’t want to feel the pain. Maybe, even the happiness, because they are scared to face the happiness they have right now thinking of what could happen worse tomorrow.

The important thing for me right now is to express how I feel, so I made this blog earlier this afternoon. My mood just goes from feeling nothing to feeling satisfied. I am finally able to vent out all the things that go on my mind every single time. Doing this thing is kinda risky because many people could read everything, some may judge and some may understand. Still, I am taking the risk of doing what I love and it is what I am doing right now. Like I said earlier, It is better to try than to regret afterward, right?

I am having my mood changes from time to time. Now, I am pleased because I am able to share my thoughts yet I am sad because of many things that go on my mind lately. After I published this post, I am sure that I couldn’t get sleep easily because of thinking. It is my night routine, I guess? To overthink things while sadness comes in. It usually happens so I’m okay with it, I used to handle things like that especially at this time of the day. I know I am not the only one who experiences sudden sadness at this moment. It usually occurs, right? And we can’t understand why.

And like what I said, It is okay for me to feel sad than to feel nothing. The things I’ve just written right now are not even half of the things I want to say but I am waiting for the time that I would be able to express all the thoughts and feelings I have. We shouldn’t rush things to happen, we just always have to cherish each moment. So I guess this would end here, see you on my next blog. Wander with Me!